Tyler Russell
Superbowl, How Avacados Could Horribly Crush Us and We Could Have a New Home World or at least a new place to Vacation
This weekend is Super Bowl or the "Bowl" of the most costly commercials that you will find till next year when the commercials are even more.  This weekend a 30 second spot will cost you 3.5 million dollars.  Now I don't know about the rest of the world but for wouldn't all of the money spent on this advertizing be better spent on charities.  Or make a deal with the broadcasters that they will donate that .5 to some charity or any charity for that matter.  So back to the game which for the ladies that are reading this blog has already come and gone in their mind.  But don't look past the game there are a lot of things for you to enjoy without having the whole segregated party by yourselves with your girlfriends.

1.  The commercials are very very entertaining and if you don't believe me then check out on Youtube to see all of the best from years past.  No I am not going to post them, the search option on the website is just as effective as me looking them up and getting them for you.

2.  The half time show always is what people talk about for the next week.  Watching it will keep you up on conversations for the rest of the week as it is like the Oscars that way.  No one really remembers the small plays for the game and also who wins all different awards for the editing and stuff but people remember the stupid things that happen between the plays.

3. It's really a lot like Xmas.  We all go out and eat terrible food and really don't feel that bad about it cause at the end of the day we had fun we bonded and it also is a great conversation piece at the end of the day cause wings, pizza and other deep fried goodness has no calories on Superbowl Sunday.

Speaking of Food there is an amazing fact about the Superbowl this weekend that I had no idea about.  Now I like guacamole as much as the next person.  Well I don't love it and don't hate it but it really is a nice in between as part of the Sour Creme or Salsa combo that is part of the dipping process.  Apparently this weekend 71.4 million pounds of avocados will be consumed as part of the festivities.  With that many avocados used it could kill people if they were to fall on you.  It could create an avalanche of the vegetables or even a river of guac that could be seen from space.

Apparently there is a new vacation spot not even on the maps yet and man I am excited to tell you about this one.  Scientists have found a planet that could host life and is only a mere 22 light years away.  It may take you more Air Miles that you can afford but when you start building up Space Miles it could take you no time at all to afford to get there.  I am not sure what the weather or crazy space aliens that are there but if "Avatar" has taught me anything we will likely just take their resources and then assimilate into their culture gain their trust and then find out that we are good people and help them defeat an angry former military general.  I think that things will work out in about 2 to 2.5 hours and I really think that a great soundtrack that includes all of my favorite 80s bands will get us through the tough times.

Pats to beat the Giants this weekend and that is all.
 
Tailgating, Snack Making Robots and Canada is #1 Again
This morning for me was an average morning like it was likely for you as well.  I got up had my PB and J then moved on to going to work with one simple exception.  I ended up getting tailgated for most of my 7 minute commute to work this morning.  I find that for the most part that most of the people who are here generally give me a bit of distance but the person behind me today decided that the best way to get to work on time was to be so close to me that we could have kissed bumpers.  Now the frustrated driver in me thought that yeah I should slam on the breaks and make sure that they have a crunched car.  But the reasonable person in me thought that I have one turn and then this person will be able to solve crimes or whatever they do as they head to work at break neck speed.  I think that next time i will go 5km under the speed limit to frustrate them just a little bit so that they will change lanes and give them the "Stink Eye" as they change lanes onward and upward.

Now I like a midnight snack as much as the next person but when you wake up at all ends of the night and you want that snack but we are not able to have it cause I don't want to get up and have a sandwich cause I have to make it look not further than the Germans to be able to solve life's "Real" problems.  A group of developers have created "James" and "Rosie".  Two robots that can make everything from sandwiches to popcorn.  Yeah this is where the Jetsons meet life.  I would have to say this actually scares me.  If we have the "Terminator" or "Killer Robots" who could take our lives this is the perfect situation.  Apparently and this is true that these robots have a cognitive function that lets them figure out what you regularly want to have to eat. 

As long as these robots are set to "Good" and not "Evil".  They could possibly change from making bread sandwiches to making people sandwiches.  This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night thinking about killer robots that could kill me by making me into a sandwich.  For now the robots are in the testing phase and will be able to make sandwiches eventually but for right now they can only make a mean bowl of popcorn.

Looks like Canada is #1 again.

When it comes to the EDUCATED.  Yes Canada relish the fact that we are the most educated and have the 2nd highest debt load after the school is done.  Yes we are more educated than most other countries like the USA, Japan and New Zealand.  Think about this... In Canada 50% of our population has gone to post secondary.  As compared to the USA where 25% have gone and completed that.   Yes Canada we are number 1 when it comes to that.  We just have to move up in rankings that really matter like standard of living where we rank number 12 with countries like Ireland and Slovenia are way ahead of us.  We may be the country that is educated but we need work get some of the hard working Canadians over the poverty line.  Right now in Canada we have 9.4 percent of the population that are under that line which works out to 3.3 million people in this country that have to struggle every day and cannot make ends meet.

Don't Complain about 1st World Problems on Twitter.  Get out there and be part of a 1st World Solution.
 
Light Sabre Attacks are on the Rise, Groundhogs Eve and What you Likely Didnt Know about Steve Jobs
It seems like there is a general happiness in the air as we reach the second month of the last year of our lives according to the Mayan calender.  Well as far as we know the end of the world is happening later this year and I thought well there are things that I would be missing after the 12-12-12 date in the world if there is really an end to everything.  Do we buy Christmas presents or should we wait to see if the end of the world actually happens.  Also we are going to be missing out on part 1 of The Hobbit by Peter Jackson.  I really think that the best way to deal with this is to likely keep on living a normal life and be happy for this year cause we could all be wrong and it might be our last.

Looks like light sabre assaults are on the rise again.  I thought that after the last Star Wars movie that they would be dying a slow death but no that seems not to be the case.  Now with the re release of the movies that are in the theaters in 3D we now have to deal with the influx of "Lightsaber" type crimes as a man from the USA walked into a Toys R Us and started to swing wildly with a toy Lightsaber and hit 3 customers. Now as the police were called the man moved outside where he deflected a taser.  Now as far as I look at it that seems really really cool and then continued at the officers and was eventually contained by three officers.  Apparently it took 3 police officers to take down on Jedi with a plastic Lightsaber. Just think if he had a real one.  Things could have just got real.

It's Ground Hog Eve today and we have to get ready for the big day that the groundhog is gonna be having tomorrow.  Ground Claus will be traveling the world giving shadows to the all the little girl and boy groundhogs so that in the morning they can see their shadows in the morning.  I wonder if the all gather around the Groundhog Hole to make sure all the groundhogs are ready to greet tomorrow as champions.  Do they work out and bench press their shadows and do "Look Backs" to see their shadows to intimidate them.

In some weird music related news... I had no idea that Neil Young was so close to Steve Jobs.  Apparently Young was quoted as saying that "Steve Jobs didnt listen to iTunes at home and would only listen to records."  Young was at the state of the digital media conference and was really just spewing off about different topics like: Digital Downloads of low quality recordings is ok as long as people eventually download the real quality version and that the record industry botched the transition to the digital medium.  I hate to break it to you Neil but there are two things that most of us are doing.

1.  Being Completely comfortable with average or below quality recordings and getting them for free and even though its .99 to get the high quality version most of us are way too cheap to get it.

2.  We are not downloading your songs and likely they do sound better in low quality cause it makes your singing voice that much more tolerable.
 
Jacket Transformers, More Politics I can Get Behind and Forgotten Fashion
The warmer and then subsequently colder that it gets in PG its funny how we change the habits that we have when it comes to everything.  Not plugging the car in and seeing kids wearing T-Shirts in -1 weather cause in our minds it seems like it is warmer at the end of the day.  One of the things that I have notice is that my jacket is warmer and so now I have taken the liner out of the jacket so it is really a shell.  I was actually sweating to the point of being uncomfortable.  The process of taking out the liner was pretty crazy on its own as there were snaps and zippers among other things that I needed to unsnap and change and just when I had thought that it was all good and completely over I miss one and it almost rips the hanging thing out and tears the jacket.  It made me realize that its a Transformer Jacket.  It really is more than meets the eyes.  Now that I have a normal jacket I just have to wait till it gets cold again so that I can curse that I have to put the thing back together again and try to figure that out.

On Average it takes me about 20 minutes to put the thing back together at the end of the day.

In Canada we are pretty apathetic about politics.   The motivation to vote has really been replaced by re-runs of the Big Bang theory.  We can justify it to ourselves by saying that yeah it is a good episode.  A town in Italy.... Cause this is the only place I think in the World that they could get away with it... A pair of porn stars are going head to head for the Mayoral Race.  Now they have decided to scrap the political debates in favor of a more interesting way to proving their worth.  A pole dancing contest to be held a month from now.  Now I am not sure if there will be judges for the competition but I am pretty sure that they will get people to vote in record numbers.  Heck they will get lots of people to show up PERIOD.  In all fairness the two that are going to be involved in the pole dancing competition have invited all of the candidates to participate if they so choose.

I want to salute some of the Fashion trends of lost Decades like the 70s, 80s and 90s.

70s Bell Bottoms: If there was one clothing item that defined the 70s, it was bell bottom pants. Thanks to celebrities like Farah Fawcett and John Travolta, wearing pants that flared out towards the ankles became the apparel to possess. But bell bottoms were not the only style of trousers popular in the seventies. This was also the era of high-waisted flared jeans, loon pants, and parallel jeans. If you wore jeans, the ends of the pants had to be frayed and worn out. Towards the end of the decade, there was a shift in the surge of popularity enjoyed by bell bottoms and the place of pride in the wardrobe was handed over to the cigarette pants which became the new it thing of 1970s' fashion.

80s Stirrup Pants: The stirrup pants version of this particular fad had to be the worst. Presumably the idea of fashion and being in fashion is to look as good as possible. These pants made NO ONE look good. They created a triangle-leg effect that made even the thinnest person look big. While many of these 1980s fashions are making their way back on the scene and into our stores, the stretch pants/stirrup pants trend needs to stay tucked safely back in the 80s.

90s Overalls Farmer or fashionista? If you were spotted wearing overalls in the 1990s, you would fortunately be considered the latter. Iowa residents had never been so effortlessly “in vogue”. But, overalls are ugly, so this trend had a short lifespan on it from the outset (especially when considered it was “the bomb” to wear them with only one strap fastened). And while some designers are trying with all their might to bring some this awful fashion back into style, here’s to hoping the overall stays dead in the morgue.
 
We Just Finished Xmas and we get more buying with Valentine's Day.
Well it looks like we have a great way of transition of paying off debts and then having new ones with Valentine's Day.  Now that I think about it Groundhog Day is really closer than V-Day but really would your special someone really appreciate a Groundhog Day Card.

"Have a Rocking Groundhog day.  Those pasty white legs may have to wait another six weeks to see the light of day."

It kinda of looses that special feeling after you realize that for one day out of the year it actually legitimizes the groundhog to any sort of relevance for the other 364 days out of the year that it sits in its hole and waits to be terrified by its shadow.  Only an animal that is called a "Whistle Pig" could get away with being noticed for one day out of the year and have to work for the "Man" for 10 to 15 seconds.  Apparently people who actually raise and do research with these animals say that these animals personality can be described as "Their natural impulse is to kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out. You have to work to produce the sweet and cuddly."

This week we will have many people giving and asking for Superbowl Predictions.  I will be honest I do not want them and really I don't want to hear them either.  This week of the "Bowl" will provide days of stupid questions and also mountains and mountains of money being spent.  One of the weirdest ways that I have heard that people are choosing the winner is a camel from New Jersey.  Do you think the camel is thinking, "Wow I got all these games correct".  Nope.  He is thinking "Wow if I get more games correct and win these people money maybe they will let me leave NJ."  In their defense the camel has gotten 88 games correct this season and correctly predicted 5 of the last six Superbowls.

Sorry Pats Fans she is going with the NYG. My thoughts exactly and please don't put up the house cause those bookies will still take everything.

Tomorrow is the last day of January.  I have noticed that the days are getting longer and longer.  Which means we get to see the snow sooner when we get up in the morning.  Spring is still a ways away but we are on the home stretch.  Four or Five more storms and we should be in the clear for another wet and cool summer.

 
Moose Attacks, What PB and B is and Tiny Elephants Under Maple Leaf Gardens
It is another Friday as we get closer and closer to spring.  With the last week of January we are ever closer to February and Ground Hog day and warmer weather.  If your significant other was being attacked by a Moose and also you weighed 97 pounds and  you would think that you could take it on right.  Well that is what happened as a elderly couple when they were walking their dogs in Alaska.  A moose attacked the man and the 97 pound woman and the first thought was not to run or hide but to grab a shovel and take on the beast herself.  She fended it off and then took her husband to the hospital.  She is now being touted as a super hero grandma and have been quoted as saying "We are not upset at the Moose".  The Moose was quoted as saying "Maybe not this year but next year I am working out and coming after them."

What is PB and B?

Apparently the new eating trend in food is to mix random things with Peanut Butter and now bacon and bacon products are the thing of the future.  In articles on Yahoo it looks like you too can have the "Breakfast of Champions" by getting yourself bacon spread for the low low price of 20 dollars for a 2 ounce bottle.  Have we really come to this level of lack of excitement of food now that we are taking other random foods and mixing them with others.  I am pretty sure that in one time or another in mankind that we have actually had two choices when we got things and it was likely Diet or Regular.  I have tried some of these interesting combos and it seems like there is nothing really that special about the differing combinations.  At the end of the day we likely will just go back and have PB and J and be amazed as it being the "Brand New Thing"

Last night was the All Star Fantasy Draft... But that was not as exciting as what was found while there was renovations being done as at the new Maple Leafs Gardens.  A "Time Capsule" was found that contained newspapers, a rules of hockey book and a ivory elephant.  These items were in a copper box under the arena and are being put on display to show people what it was like during the depression era as the newspaper was dated Sept 21st 1931.  So the elephant.  There were no markings and no one really knows who or why it was put in just that it was made of ivory and that it was inside the box.

As things change some things stay the same.  The newspaper had the box score had the Leafs losing to the Blackhawks 2-1. 

It Figures.
 
Black Hole Resorts, Janopause and Scottish Cuisine
Today is Robbie Burns Day and I have to admit that nothing is grosser in this world than Haggis.  Yes Haggis, there is nothing grosser than having an animals stomach with its internal organs stuffed inside with other herbs and spices.  I have tried this thing once in my life and it really is not on my bucket list but I wanted to try things once and I never have to try it again.  Like Mike Myers said in So I Married an Axe Murderer "Most Scottish Food was made on a Dare."

Now that we are a technology driven society and with all the fancy different Ipads and Phones and other things we now have resorts called "Black Out Resorts".  These are places now that you can go and have no incoming and outgoing internet signals and also there is an extra charge if you don't have a TV in your room.  I wonder if there is a new trend that will be happening over the next few years.  I think that I could be on the forefront of this new hip different way of seeing the world in the "Sensory Deprivation Spa"  Where you cannot see anything outside of your room.  Also this can be done at home by putting a burlap sack on your head.

We have one week left in January and looks like "Janopause" is gonna be over as well.  It is the time of the year when many people abstain from having any sort of alcohol for the month to get over the fact they had way too much at Christmas and New Years and will be back on the wagon as soon as there is a holiday or "It's Five O'clock Somewhere".  I have been hearing around that lots of people have been doing the whole cleanse thing.  That likely would work pretty good but it seems like there is a cheaper and easier way to just clean out your system.  Get sick and have it come out of both ends.  Yeah it might make you feel like crap but it does about the same job but save you $100 dollars a treatment.

If you do choose to be part of Robbie Burns Day make sure that you have a limerick ready as it is a part of the tradition for the day.  I will get you started and here is the format.  The first two lines last word must rhyme and the 3rd and 4th last line has to rhyme with each other as well.  Then the last line of the 5 line poem must rhyme with the first two:

Today is the day for a Stomach, Kidney and Liver
If you have tried it already it will make you shiver
Your could wash it down with a drink
But make sure you think
Before you take home someone Mother.

T.A.J Russell
 
Shots in the Dark, The Evolution of the Beer Can and Where did our parents go during Peek-a-Boo?
The Oscar Nominations did come out today and man I would take a shot in the dark as to who would win the different awards but with the amount of nominees.  There is no real way to be able to make an educated guess as to what the people voting for the Best Movie, Director and Sound Editing.  For the Record there are 6000 people who vote on the Academy Awards.  Some of the categories most people don't really even know who are nominated and I don't know about you but I really find it interesting to see actors who are paid to speak and pretend get all flustered on the stage when they only have 60 seconds to get their speech out. 

Then later to be surprised when the band starts playing to get them off the stage to get the 4.5 hour program done in a reasonable amount of time.  I am pretty sure that no one really cares that you are thanking your publicist and accounting lawyer and that your kids shouldn't be up and would likely be in bed.

Be honest.  Thank yourself and your wife or husband or girlfriend or boyfriend for relieving the tension when you needed it most.

Speaking of relieving tension it is "Beer Can Appreciation Day" today celebrating the inventing of the beer can in Virgina in 1935.  There must have been a process when the beer cans were first being thought of... Were there a bunch of guys sitting around and saying "I love beer but we always forget the opener."  " We should make a container that is made of metal and also has a the ability to be stabbed with this huge knife I carry around."  Thank goodness that they don't use the can from the 30s.  I saw it and it looked like it would give me tetanus just by looking at us.

And finally where do our parents go during Peek-A-Boo?  I recently talked to my 18 month old self and was surprised to find out what I thought.

1.  There was a door behind their hands that leads to a land of chocolate and candy for adults.  It only opens when they are behind it and they can't really bring any of it back.

2. Trolls have somehow kidnapped their heads and the only way to get them back is for me to laugh uncontrollably.  It always works but my baby self really wants to see the other side of the hands.

3. I just pooped my pants and the only thing that will eventually changed will be to laugh at these jokers for a while.

I like my 18 month old self.  It really is neat to find out that I really just want to eat, sleep and try to eat the plants.  Weird.
 
Warm Weather, Slush and Wet Pant Legs... Canada and Winter the Best of Friends
Now that here in Prince George have the best of both worlds. Snow and Mild Temps.  Well by best I mean worst and both I really mean both.  Over the next few days we are dealing with the amazingly awkward time of the year where snow and slush meet pant legs. Other than rolling up the pant legs and looking kinda weird as you walk into school or work your co-workers will understand but will not likely have the courage to be able to do the same as you.

There has to be a better way to deal with this.  We have the Sham-Wow and the Shcticky, where is Vince Offer to be able to create a Dry-Pants-Wow or a Pants slap Dry.  Wouldn't that be great to be able to slap chop the water out of your pants so that they are dry and you wouldn't feel the cold wetness against the inside of you leg for the first 2 hours of the day.  I guess Vince is a little busy promoting his new products and getting rabies shots after getting beaten up by a New Jersey Prostitute.  His mug shot really makes you wonder if he always looks as creepy as his commercials make him to be.

Back to the pants issue.  I remember when I was a kid putting grocery bags inside my boots to be able to keep my feet and pants dry.  I am guess that there is no way that I could do that right now and I don't think that I would want to.  Hearing the rustling of Save On bags as I walk to work may be frowned upon as you walk into your office.

I think that the best way to deal with this winter issue is to do what our inner child does.  Wear our mittens on strings, eat the snow that is in the back yard and wear shopping bags in our boots.  Cause at the end of the day we can always remember how far we have come as adults.  Having wet feet and being uncomfortable for hours out of our day.

Remember we can't do this all day... Operators are standing by...
 
Tis the Season Day 14 "The Countdown to Christmas: Last Minute Christmas Shoppers."
The Last Tis the Season of the Year.  Wow we have come a long way from the humble beginnings of being frustrated with the park lots, Dealing with In Laws and Caroling for Dummies.  I looked in the book store and yes there really is a "Caroling for dummies".  It tells you how to gather friends and also which houses to avoid and the ones to go to get money from.  Wow if I had known that you can get money to go and annoy people I would have started to carol year round.

Now the rumblings and whispered talking is around the station... Kinda like a storm on the horizon.  Guys you know what I am talking about... the final days of the Xmas Shopping Experience.  Like most guys out there people leave their Christmas shopping to the last minute and that is really where the fun begins. People turn crazy this time of the year and by people I mean people who leave their Christmas shopping to the last possible second in the hopes that they can avoid WHAT EXACTLY?

On the last few days of Xmas you see what all of us that are already finished our shopping see.  Tired beaten people looking like they just ran a 26 mile marathon to start your Xmas shopping.  And that is just them getting a parking spot and trying to get their way into the mall.  Once in the mall the real test begins in: Patience, Humility and Rage Control.  I think that I really have the greatest solution to making malls and stores more tolerable during the holiday season.  Having some of the security guard guiding people to go the correct directions down malls... using 50,000 watt tasers.  Nothing is more frustrating than walking in a mall trying to avoid the idiots going the wrong way down the hallway.  Hey people when walking in the mall here is an idea, use the same concept as driving, stick to the right.

Also on the last day of Christmas shopping make sure that you don't do all of you last minute shopping to the "Gas Station Xmas Extravaganza".  Not only will your wife or girl friend be disappointed when they get a case of 5w30 oil but if you get your kids an iPod filled with candy rather than a real MP3 player it might just get you a quick trip to a really crappy retirement home at 47.  Take some time and do your Christmas shopping 1 day early.  Just 1 day.  That one day will save you from Fred's Drive Thru Senior Retirement Home and Taxidermy.

So this is the end of Tis the Season... I hope you all had as much fun as I did looking at Christmas through my eyes as I did telling you about it.  I will leave you with a quote from one of my favorite author.

"It is all well and good for children and acid freaks to still believe in Santa Claus — but it is still a profoundly morbid day for us working professionals. It is unsettling to know that one out of every twenty people you meet on Xmas will be dead this time next year... Some people can accept this, and some can't. That is why God made whiskey, and also why Wild Turkey comes in $300 shaped canisters during most of the Christmas season."

Hunter S. Thompson

Merry Christmas and Have a Happy New Year.
 
On Tis the Season Day 13 "The Wide Wide World of Christmas Sports"
The last leg of the Christmas season is upon us.  Its getting down to the home strech.  We are in the forth quarter and there is only two minutes left on the clock.  Ok enough of the sports references for right now.  This is the time of the year where its really getting to be a endurance test from tolerating the in laws to your significant other buying the wrong type of egg nog and you forcing him to stand in the cold corner of your house with no Christmas Lights and "Think about" what he did.

There are a whole bunch of sports that may or not be on your list but I think that they are pretty close to some of the events that take place.  These are the top sports that are gonna be on your list of thing you likely do or don't want to do this holiday season.

The First being "The Kids Gift Marathon".  When you head out and try to figure out what you need to buy for your kids its a marathon cause no matter how early you ask them about what they want it really is a true test of getting them their favorite thing that is on their Christmas list.  The real marathon or sneaky part of the trip is getting it inside while they are still home and finding a good place to hide it where they will not snoop.  Kids are crafty they will find the most well hidden gift no matter what happens.  We were all kids once and at the end of the day they will find it even if its in a safe.

Next up we have the "Awkward Relative Greeting 500".  You me and everyone else has been there, your relative that goes in for a hug that has no business getting that close to anyone ever.  You get that tsunami of perfume or BO that sticks to you like crazy gluing your fingers together.  You can't really say anything to that relative cause you don't want to ruin that air of "Happy Holiday" mood that is striking everyone or it could be the bath of Chanel No. 7 that they are wearing setting the Guinness Record for "Likelyhood of Being Flammable.

For the single people out there we have the "My Life Sucks Decathlon".  Which starts innocently enough with either your parents or that annoying cousin or relative asking you "How your life is going".  Then in 10 questions or less will get you to the point of "Well maybe next year you will get your life together" or my personal favorite "That's too bad.  I have a friend of mine's who's kid is in a very similar situation.  I should set you up with them."  Yeah cause that is what the world needs... Two people's lives spinning out of control being together.  I am sure that nothing bad can come out of that.

So make sure that at the end of the day keep these simple things in mind.  Stretch, drink lots of water and try to keep your head up.  The Christmas Season is coming to a close and making through New Years will be a test of will and strength cause when the clock strikes 12:00 you have a New Year to screw up.

On the Final Tis the Season Day 14 "The Countdown to Christmas: Last Minutes Christmas Shoppers."
 
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